In an earlier post about my family’s long history of living on both sides of the proverbial 49th parallel, I said “Often times the influence[s] a person experiences by living for a time in a different country are hard to quantify- beyond the ‘common wisdom’ that many Canadians spend time in the US to advance a career and have higher earnings. I’m unable to really articulate the impact my living in the USA for 30 years has had.”
With some time to reflect, I know that living down here (combined with the heavy masking I adopted from birth to survive) has included my accepting a society much, much different from the one I grew up in. Differences far deeper, far darker, far more destructive, than I allowed myself to recognize.
Familiarity definitely plays a part; not just the long family history of border-hopping mentioned at the very beginning of this post. I grew up in various towns around Ontario; from Toronto to North Bay to West Elgin. Only the last one was in range of US TV stations- either Detroit or Cleveland, depending on how the old-fashioned antenna was rotated. But all Canadian television and radio stations carried a large amount of US created media, despite Canadian Content requirements.
I acknowledge that there was plenty of evidence of those differences, and as a theoretically self-aware adult person, it was my responsibility to accept, change, or leave the world of violence behind:
Was I so burned out by my earlier life that I couldn’t go back?
Was it a fear of moving home early- a ‘failure’, unable to survive this place?
Was it the money (somewhat better, but I never really got on board the ‘greed is good’ train)?
Did I become like the proverbial frog, adapting to each subtle change until life started boiling over?
Perhaps a bit of each. The plan, when I moved down here, was to ‘retire back to S/W Ontario’ at some future point to join my siblings, niblings and grand-niblings. The uneasy feelings that would eventually lead me to start the unmasking process started even before I moved, but they certainly ramped up after losing my only attempt to build a Genuine Solid Career in 2008.
And is this place that much deeper and destructive than my homeland? I was queer-bashed twice in Toronto over a 12 year period. Earlier (1978) I was fired from my retail job after Coming Out in a small city’s daily newspaper. That’s all the personal violence that I recall (cf dissociative amnesia).
Yes, the list I share below has far more occasions than a good percentage of folks will ever experience. And sadly, far less violence than plenty of others live through. Is it precisely the median amount? I don’t know- but it’s certainly not so rare as to be astounding.
Much of the violence I’ve experienced down here is arguably not personal. Is that better? Let’s have a look:
My Malibu Maxx was shot through the windshield over-night. The supposition is that my car, and a neighbouring house, were innocent bystanders to an argument that broke out in the parking lot of an unlicensed nightclub/ speakeasy 100 yards away.
Two years later that same vehicle was doused in red latex paint overnight. It’s believed that it was the same person(s) who vandalized another vehicle that night, also with paint, farther up the block.
Not pictured #1:
Around the same time as the above, our rear door was smashed open (had to destroy it to undo the chain lock) and a handful of items stolen. Reported to the police, but no items returned or arrests made. The door was replaced and life went on.
Not pictured #2:
In 2013 Maxx was replaced by a 2012 red Kia Forte 5 door. I picked it over the Kia Soul (my dream car) only because the Forte’s lower hatchback/sedan style meant the storage space was longer, and that was better for carrying my portable photography studio. A studio that’s no longer operational.
Our first night in our current residence was December 17, 2020. We were exhausted- moving in to a space half the size while preparing the old house for a very quick (10 days) closing to end a financial nightmare.
In fact, we were both so tired that in the morning we thought we might’ve heard a car. It was only when we attempted to leave that we discovered someone had been killed with a single bullet on the sidewalk of the house beside our building. No more than 50 feet from our bedroom window. Welcome to the neighbourhood.
Kia Forte was parked on the tree-lined street out front one hot June ’22 evening.
Someone roaring up the street just before midnight in an allegedly-stolen vehicle caught the rear left corner of my car with their right bumper, pushing Forte into the parked car in front, which was pushed into the parked car in front, which was pushed into the parked car in front, which was pushed into the parked car in front.
Yes, a 6 vehicle pile-up. Only the last one in the sequence was unharmed. Forte was totaled; the others had varying degrees of damage.
Shattered glass, a chipped brick, and a squashed bullet the only evidence of a 9pm shooting. We didn’t hear the attack as we were both upstairs asleep- one neighbour reported hearing a single shot.
To this day we don’t know if this was purely random, a Hate Crime over our Pride Flag in a window, or aimed at the unit beside us (see the last part of the Death of Gray Gonzo).
PART ONE: The ticky tacky challenge led to our 2020 Kia Soul (bought used to replace Forte) being vandalized and stolen. After a short joy ride it was abandoned, then recovered less than 24 hours later.
PART TWO: Repaired and Upgraded, someone (perhaps the same one, perhaps not) attempted to take it away.
It had the software upgrade installed while in the shop, so all they did was break a window and bugger up the steering column. Perhaps the warning sticker should’ve been placed in the rear windows rather than the front? Repaired again- another Insurance Deductible and disruption in routine.
PART THREE: Shot Down in its Prime.
Since the death of Forte I’ve always parked our car in the parking spot out back; no matter how hot. The neighbour who’d reported hearing the 2022 gun shot in the front moved out if their unit in late 2023.
We replaced Gray Gonzo with Gonzo 2. Because of all the above Insurance Deductibles (4 at $250 each), ever-increasing insurance rates, and a new loan at a higher rate, we haven’t yet paid for Gonzo 2.
Which means we can only Export from the USA, then Import to Canada, by paying off the loan balance ($10k).
We owe more than the resale value, but if we raise around US$3,000 we can pay down the loan, then sell the car- which would leave us without a car, but without added debt.
We have established a Go Fund Me campaign. Donations appreciated, as are shares, prayers and spellwork.
Thank you
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